I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
