You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
True college students do jello shots in the library
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
