I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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