do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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