Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
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I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Vodka?
Forever.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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