Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
