I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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