we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
