Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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