why didn't you poke me back
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
