my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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