I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
