I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
