In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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