I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
