it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
So many bounce houses so little time
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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