Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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