Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
