Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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