The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
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plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
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okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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