there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
She announced her abortion via fbk
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
