Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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