He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
