i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
