I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
