I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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