how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
ok first of all what the fuck
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize