he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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