I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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