i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
