Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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