His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
