We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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