This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize