after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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