You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He told me they were just razor bumps!
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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