...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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