her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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