I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
