White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
