We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
