last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You're a waste of cheezeits
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
