i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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