She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
