omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
