I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
