well I can't set my house on fire every night
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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