Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
