need another drink. this is the easiest way
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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