guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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