and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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