She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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