Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
