What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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