my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
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im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
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This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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