four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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