She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
