I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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