I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
