"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
