He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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