I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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