"it" just moved
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
