I love black thongs
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
