No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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